So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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