i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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