So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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