OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
only you would photoshop your dick
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You made out with two different species that night
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
