sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I AM VODKA MAN
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
