so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
