Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I need to sanitize my soul.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
