are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
