He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i drank out of a bidet.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
