Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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