I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
