So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
