Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
