note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
