flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
