Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
