Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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