don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Someone signed my nipple.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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