His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
