You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
