I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
