we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
They have beer where we have blood.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
