She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
