Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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