if i can run in heels then i can drive
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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