My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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