Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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