from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
