I'm gonna have a badass scar
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
