My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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