hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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