Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
