ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
