yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
