Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
