I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
