im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Someone shattered a urinal.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
