you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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