I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
