Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
