i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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