We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
