Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
