Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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