didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
