He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
