he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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