yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
