I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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