john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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