he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
