ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
