I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I lost the right to judge tonight
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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