Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
