omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
As shirtless as possible
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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