if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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