im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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