Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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