oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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