every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
