I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Are we still banned from the library?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I want to fling myself into the sun
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
