i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
