Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
