i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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