I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
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Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
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I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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