Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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